foreignkicks asked: you have been given a new pet parrot. this parrot is made completely out of your old dreams and ambitions, and is willing to do anything containing the letter 'K'... can you learn to love it?
I’m afraid that Parrot and I have aready met. I saw him shortly before a tragic Asian death. But as you’ve asked, let me tell you about Kevin Kennedy Jr:
I’m afraid any parrot made from my old dreams would have a dreadful kamikaze streak, and Kev showed that. Kev’s mother was Kampuchean, and his father from Keele. He grew up in Kandahar where, aged 10, he fell in love with a Kangaroo who taught him the ancient art of Karate.
On coming of age, Kev resolved to travel. He rented a kayak from a knowledgable local man and set off for Kazakhstan. The journey twisted Kevin. He thrived on my murderous old dreams and, on his arrival, he stole a katana and took it to the throats of all the koalas in the area. His killing brought Kazakhstan to its knees. He became a terrifying legend, “The Killing Kestrel.” Not until the great Borat would the kazaks be safe.
Eventually Kev met a strange man called Ken in who he.. konfided and became… klose to. The… kouple formed an organisation called the Kevin/Kenneth Klan (KKK) in which they rejected their violent pasts (Kenneth having been a Ketamine dealer) and sought knowledge from philosophy. Nothing could kerb their enthusiasm!
One fateful (orange) wednesday, however, the KKK were visited by some American white supremacists. These people weren’t very clever, and sought the guidance and knowledge of the KKK on how to… konstruct a successful klan. Disgusted by their ideology, Kev kicked the Americans out of Kazakhstan. However they returned and kidnapped Kenneth - the knobs!
The kerfuffle almost killed Kevin; he had loved Kenneth. He set off in chase. He kayaked to the USA, to Kentucky and Kansas then, knackered, he gave up. He kidnapped a killer whale and rode him into the sunset. Kevin travelled thousands of kilometers and once again, became angry on the seven seas (Parrots have certain genetic kwalities inhereted from pirates.) Kevin, once again, wanted to KILL!
Kevin was tragically killed shortly after in North Korea, having tried to kick Kim Jong-il.
